The idea with boundaries is that in your life you make it clear how you want to use your time and your energy. The expectation is that you make the rules and others respect them, just as you respect the boundaries that others set. It’s a process that generally works well. There are, of course, those who always attempt to push those boundaries, asking or demanding more of you than you want to give. And you may find yourself being pulled in all directions, unable to set your boundaries and maintain them. Have your boundaries become so blurred that you no longer actually control your time, your energy or your life?
I’ve met people over the years who seemingly enjoy their blurred or non-existent boundaries. Firstly, it puts them at effect, not in control, and at the will of others. They bend to the demands of others, postponing and cancelling their own choices and desires. Consequently, it provides them with a useful get-out clause; they’d have time to change their world if only others would let them. It’s a neat, blame-shifting exercise. And if it works for you, keep on doing what you’re doing.
However, if your boundaries have become so blurred that you are increasingly distressing you, perhaps it’s time for change. Where do you want to draw that line? What does it mean for you? How can you handle the consequences? Importantly, how robust do you want to be?
I think that few of us can go all out, set the boundaries, and enforce them, no matter what the consequences. That said, I’ve met people who’ve done just that, prioritising their own mental wellbeing above all else. Alternatively, you may want to take a more measured approach. Test the boundaries with those who you feel may be willing to work with you. See how that goes. Then push it further. Note what happens.
And, as you progressively make changes, be aware of those who are fighting you. What do you feel about that? How much to you want to take stand? How much control is enough?
Ultimately, only you will know what’s acceptable and what’s not. Crucially, the choice is yours, and you can learn when to stand firm, and when to bend a little. The control is yours.
If you’re ready to take the first step, do it now. If you’re not sure, you can always book a free consultation here, and then decide what to do next. You know that you can do it and you know it makes sense, don’t you?
