It sometimes surprises me how much therapy some people go through to address their problems. For some, it is the only way that they can move forward. They have a genuine need to resolve the past before they can think about the future. Occasionally, I meet people for whom continuing therapy has become something of a habit. Indeed, there are those who see themselves as unresolvable. It is, therefore, always interesting when clients approach me, seeking a way forward. They have reached the point of wanting solutions for the future rather than routes to explore the past. There are times when it’s just not possible to resolve or explain the past. When you get to that point you have a choice. You can endlessly pursue non-existent solutions and resolutions. Alternatively, you can accept the past is the past, take the learnings and then look to the future. How many times do you want to revisit your past before you realise you can only plan for your future?
Not that long ago, I worked with a client who had seen a counsellor and a psychologist. They had briefly been under the care of a psychiatrist. They had undergone various treatments including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and EMDR. Consequently, they told me that they understood their past. Additionally, they accepted that not all of their past made sense. Further to this, they recognised that not everything that had happened to them had a rational explanation or route to resolution. One thing that really stayed with me was how they talked about being tired, of simply wanting to find a future that allowed them to leave the past behind.
We talked about what was happening now. We discussed where they’d like to be in a year’s time, in five years’ time, in ten years’ time. Following this, we turned some general ideas into specific, well-formed goals. Finally, we looked at what might impact on success, the barriers to that well-defined future. The past stayed in the past.
The client then took action, moving from where they were towards where they wanted to be. I’ll be honest. At times, progress was slow. The client found themselves drifting back to past memories filled with negative experiences. They did, though, find a way to refocus on the well-formed goals, reconnecting with the excitement of achievement and a positive future.
This perhaps is the key. The past can cast a very long shadow. Accepting this and the fact that you may not be able to resolve the past is a positive first step. It’s OK to have moments to doubt, and there is no rule about how progress should unfold. Every step forward counts, no matter how seemingly small.
If you can take the first step towards the future that you want, do it now. If you’re not sure, book an initial consultation here, and then take the next step. You know that you can do it and you know that it makes sense, don’t you?
