Many of us have things from the past which cause us angst. Some park the issues and move on. Others get stuck, held back by what appears to be unresolvable. Most, I think, sit somewhere between the two; troubled by the past yet moving forward in some form or another. The past can, though, be a real barrier to success. What’s the best route forward: understanding the difficult past, or focussing on an exciting and compelling future?
The way I think about this is that I see at least two routes forward. The first involves looking to the past, with a desire to understand and resolve what has happened. The second is the coaching route, which again involves understanding the present and what you want in the future, and then working out for yourself how to get there.
Exploring and understanding the past is what many would understand as therapy. Significant events from the past are impacting your present, and you spend time analysing those events, looking at causes, effects, and possible resolution. It’s kind of looking to unpack all that happened and then repacking it in a way which makes it manageable for you.
The coaching approach also looks at the present and works out what you want in the future. However, coaching sees you as the expert in you. Firstly, you set the goals. You make the plans. Secondly, you establish what you see as barriers to your success, and you devise ways to overcome those barriers. Importantly, you are in the driving seat. The coach is not there to advise. They’re not the expert with all of the answers. The coach is there to challenge you and how you think. They question, probe and seek understanding. In doing this, they want you to find the answers and understand yourself better. Because the more you understand about yourself the more you know what you can achieve.
I know that not everyone will agree with my next observation but here goes. I’ve met many people who have been through a lot of therapy and a lot of different therapeutic models, with limited success. I believe that even if your preferred route is to resolve the past, there comes a time when you may have to accept that the past is the past, and there is no feasible resolution. At that point, no matter how hard it is to accept, I believe that you either stay stuck or you seek approaches that allow you to park the past, live in the present with success, whatever that means for you, and move into a future which is better than the past that you are moving away from. There. I said it. And I know that not everyone agrees.
So, if you know what to do next, do it. If you’re not sure, book an initial consultation here and then take the next step. You know that you can do it, and you know that it makes sense, don’t you?
