One of the presuppositions of NLP is that we can only evaluate behaviour and change in terms of context and ecology. That’s to say, we can only evaluate change if we firstly understand the circumstances in which change has taken place. Secondly, we can only make that evaluation if we can confirm that everyone benefits, the ecology. Stephen Covey, in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, makes a similar point. He encourages us to think “win-win”. The reality is that the best and most effective change happens when everyone wins because of your actions. In other words, ask yourself if you’re always aiming for a win-win.
One aspect of coaching is to work out who can assist you in getting to where you want to be. As you make your plans and set your goals, you really need to think about who can help you. Equally, if we’re honest about this, you also need to think about who may hinder your progress.
You certainly want to enlist those who’d like to help. That said, you need to think about how they gain as they help you. Are there some shared benefits? Is there some sort of reciprocation? The people you ask are possibly delighted to help, taking their reward from the act of assisting you. What you want to avoid at all costs is giving the impression that you are all about the taking.
The bigger challenge can be when you consider those people who are likely to hinder your progress and change. Again, if we want a win-win, it helps to think about how you handle them without alienating them. People with substance misuse issues often talk about the challenges of dealing with a whole variety of people. This ranges from fellow substance-misusers to well-intentioned friends and family. From misguided support to outright attempts at sabotage, it pays to consider how to navigate what can feel like a minefield.
Crucially, as you consider what you want and how you want to get there, it’s always worth checking if everyone’s a winner. The alternative is there may be some who lose out as a direct or indirect consequence of you getting what you want. Of course, you may be fine with this. However, I believe that most of us would prefer to have our successes which as a minimum make no difference to anyone else. Ideally, everyone gains something.
So, as you plan your next steps and work out where you want to be, you may be satisfied that it’s win-win. If this is the case, what are you waiting for? If you’re not sure, book a free initial consultation here, and then work out what happens next. You know that it makes sense and you know that you can do it, don’t you?
